peace corps
Thursday, July 28, 2011
RIP Peace Corps Dream
I have loved my peace corps experience. I am very glad I came and would have regreted it if I had not. But in the end, I have decided to resign and return home. This was by far one of the hardest decisions i have ever had to make. Coming was easy. Leaving is much harder. But after much long consideration I have decided i have to be true to myself. For a while now, I have felt unhappy with the work I am doing here. I love the people and the culture...but I did not come to South Africa just for a vacation. I came to help people with HIV/AIDS and unfortunetly that is not what i am doing. I took a long look at my future projects and what i would be doing wtih my time here and decided it is not what I came here for. I am not passionate about the work I would be doing and believe as a nurse there is no reason i shouldnt be doing what makes me happy. Since being in country I feel like I havent helped people...which is strange because you think peace corps is the ultimate "helping'. but it just didnt turn out so. I feel like i can accomplish so much more using my nursing degree than i could here. also it was hard because my vilalge has had other volunteer and none of their projects lasted. Why would mine? (it was a hard thing to balance staying when everything you do might just go away with you) Its obviously much more complicated than just this...but i love my village, host family and the community I lived in. I will miss all those people dearly. I am happy I did this. but it is time to move on. I will be going back to agency work as a ICU nurse in cleveland. And possibly taking a travel assignment depending. I also applied for doctors without borders. I think this is more my pace and will more fufill what i want to be doing with my life. So this is not the end just a hopefull shift. I am not sure if i'll get in or anything like that. but what is certain in life? Thank you to those who followed my blog and showed their support. i greatly appreciate it. excited to see what the next chapter will bring...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I don't know you at all. I found your blog because my son just started in South Africa, has been cut off from phone and internet, and I've been browsing blogs to just get a sense of what he's probably experiencing. And I'm in Oberlin, so it was nice to see someone local. And I've known a lot of PCVs - both young and old.
ReplyDeleteI was looking at some of your older posts, talking about how you missed simple things in nursing - giving bed baths, talking to family, and doing all the thousands of small caring things that nurses do. I know you wanted to work on HIV prevention and do something big and meaningful. And, because I do research on HIV transmission among adolescents in South Africa, I absolutely understand the cultural entrenchment of the problem.
But when you're thinking about not making a difference, I'd urge you to think about very small things as well as big ones. Not only do those tiny things make a huge difference in people's lives - not in every person, but in some of them - but they make you feel good too. Working in Africa is crazy frustrating because you can't get meetings going and everything works SO SLOWLY. And you feel like you're spending your life just waiting when you should be DOING something.
So think about doing something. You're a nurse. Visit. Give people too weak to get up baths. Cut their toenails. Give the kids a chance to play instead of cooking. Tell them a story. One of my colleagues just got girls chatting about all the different strategies they used to keep from getting raped and they wound up ganging together and protecting themselves.
Not knowing the language is isolating. Talk to little kids. They'll help with your language and they're less intimidating. They use simpler grammar and have a limited vocabulary. Play jump rope. Get THEM playing jump rope. Spontaneous play and new jump rope songs will move into a culture more sustainably than an exercise program.
You may still want to resign and go into Doctors Without Borders. But doing all the small comforting things that nurses - and other people - can do in your time will make you more valuable to any NGO you wind up working for. And you may find it's a way to keep you happy - and useful - where you are.
It’s never too early to think about the Third Goal. Check out Peace Corps Experience: Write & Publish Your Memoir.
ReplyDeleteThis is a good idea! I should write again. SHANNON RN BSN
DeleteWow rereading this at age 30 is a blessing. Thank you for your posts and comments
ReplyDeleteWow that's amazing
ReplyDelete